When Not Having the Answer Is the Answer
One of the things I’ve always been comfortable with is admitting when I don’t know something. To me, it’s one of the real distinctions between the more and less experienced engineers — and honestly, people in general.
When you’re earlier in your career, there’s often a sense that you have to know, that asking questions risks exposing you. The irony is that admitting you don’t know and asking for help are both powerful strengths.
The best conversations often start with not knowing. You either dive into a discussion that unpacks the problem or you step away to do some research on your own. Both paths are valuable. And when you admit you don’t know, you make space for others to do the same. You’re showing trust, and you’re inviting the so-called “stupid questions” that usually turn out to be the ones everyone was sitting on.
That’s not to say I don’t have my moments of blurting out the first answer that comes to mind. I think fast, I talk fast, and I’ll sometimes start with a solution and work my way backwards. It can turn into a one-sided monologue if I’m not careful. Over time, though, I’ve learned to make a conscious effort to sit with the question instead.
Silence can be uncomfortable, but it’s also a tool. It gives both people space to think. Sometimes the other person uses that pause to elaborate further, and suddenly the picture looks completely different than it did when I first thought of an answer.
So when I don’t have the answer, or even when I think I do, I’ve learned that waiting — not rushing in to fill the gap — is often the best answer of all.
Next time: The Weight of the First Word
